


It's Over

by MorganaNK



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer (TV)
Genre: Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-06
Updated: 2019-04-06
Packaged: 2020-01-05 22:16:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 724
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18375164
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MorganaNK/pseuds/MorganaNK
Summary: Non-cannon fic set around BtVS 'The Yoko Factor' and A:tS 'Sanctuary'





	It's Over

**Author's Note:**

> Characters are the property of Joss Whedon and all interested parties.  
> Lyrics from 'It's Over' by Level 42  
> No copyright infringement intended
> 
> Lyrics = italics

I can’t do this anymore; I can’t live the lie. I need to grow up and take responsibility for my life and my actions. Too many people are getting hurt by the way I am behaving. It has to stop.

The decision wasn’t that hard to make and once I was decided it was like a weight being lifted from my heart and my shoulders. I began to form a plan of action, making phone calls, arranging things. Everything is ready now.

_I won’t be here when you come home  
I’m sorry if you don’t understand, forgive me if you can  
But I can see another road  
And I ain’t coming back_

I’m leaving everything here, a kind of symbolic casting off of who I have become. I need to get back to me and I can’t do that here and I certainly can’t do it with you. Possessions don’t mean that much. I have my friends, I have me and I have...well, you don’t really need to know about that. Let’s just say that you’re free to do what you like with my things, I won’t be back for them.

_Don’t look for me around this town  
‘Cause I will be so far away, you’ll never find me anywhere  
And I won’t take no souvenirs  
No perfumed picture promises  
Because it’s over  
And I ain’t coming back_

I can’t say how sorry I am that things have ended up this way. I should never have got involved with you. If I am honest I was using you from the start. Trying to find something with you that I could never have. Trying to make you into someone you could never be. 

_You gave me everything  
And now I’m breaking your heart  
You know that I don’t mean  
To tear your world apart_

I can’t do this face to face because I know that you’ll beg me not to and I’m too much of a coward to face the consequences of that. This is all my fault. It took seeing him again to make me realize that being with you was a compromise. Seeing him holding Faith stirred up feelings that I though long since dead and buried, or rather, feelings that I used you to convince myself were long dead and buried. I have to set you free so that you can find the right person. She isn’t me. And I have to set me free so that I can live again. I have to be true to my heart and trying to make you into him isn’t. Please try and understand.

_I would never leave if I thought you couldn’t stand the pain  
A letter in the hall  
Is written on the wall  
A letter with no words of love at all  
Because it’s over  
And I ain’t coming back_

I said it didn’t matter who else I had but I know you’re not stupid. Yes I am going to him. We agreed to be friends but I realized that I didn’t want that. He walked away so that I could be with you but I don’t want that either. I rang him and we talked, I mean really talked which is something that we should have done ages ago. We also shouted and cried and argued but in the end we realized that we both wanted the same thing. To be together. 

_And as I close the door  
I know I’m breaking your heart  
I should have loved you more  
Instead I’ve torn your world apart_

I’m sorry it had to come to this. It doesn’t give me pleasure that I am hurting you. You are a kind sweet man but you’re just not right for me. Somewhere out there is the right woman for you; someone you can sense the moment she is near, who makes the lights dim when she enters a room, someone who loves you completely for everything you are and everything you have done. I am not her. Don’t close yourself off from finding her, she is out there for you and you deserve her.

_And as I walk through the lonely afternoon  
I feel sad enough  
I feel bad enough  
And all the times when you are lonely where you are  
Please don’t hate me then  
I just could not pretend_

Forgive me Riley.


End file.
